Pink or Blue?
by temari13
Summary: Orihime fakes a pregnancy test. Chaos ensues.


O...kay...This is something really, really, REALLY random my sister and I came up with. I think we were really high on sugar. Or lack of sleep. Or both. I don't really remember. Regardless, this is a crack fic for you to read and review. No cursing in the reviews, please. I will take criticism. I have the feeling I might get a lot...*hides*

Orihime sat in the bathroom, perched on the edge of the bathtub. She eyed the box she held in her hands, sighing and wondering how she got to this place. Her face turned pink. _Of course._ How could she forget?

It was all because of that one night with Ichigo.

And now, she was stuck in the bathroom because Rangiku told her to take this...this test. She didn't want to take it. She was afraid to know the result.

Orihime sighed. _"I wish there were some way to fake the test. I don't want anyone to know if it is positive."_

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Orihime? Are you done in there?"

"_Momo!"_ All of a sudden, a light bulb came on in the redhead's mind. _"I can get Momo's help!"_ Orihime quickly opened the door, letting in the sound of the New Year's party going on downstairs, and yanked the other girl in.

Momo blinked. "Orihime? Are you okay?"

"Could you do a favor for me, Momo?" She bit her lip, attempting to look as pitiful as possible so that Momo would help her.

It worked.

"Well, okay. What do you need?"

"I need you to take a test for me."

"A test? What kind of -gah!" Momo's brown eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she saw the words printed on the box Orihime had thrust into her face. "A p-p-pregnancy test?!" She squeaked.

"Yes. Please, Momo? It would mean so much to me..." Orihime sniffled.

Momo's heart broke. If there was one thing she hated, it was seeing someone so upset. "...Well..." She hesitated. "If it would really help, I'll do it..."

"Oh, thank you!" She hugged Momo tightly, then released her so she could take the test.

Momo followed the instructions, and they settled back to wait. Time ticked by. Someone knocked on the door.

"Orihime, are you done yet?" Rangiku sighed. "You've been in there for twenty minutes."

"Um, hold on!" Both girls, huddling together, stared at the test.

"_It's going to be negative."_ Orihime thought.

"_I hope it's negative."_ Momo thought.

One blue line appeared. They both consulted the paper. "One blue line is...negative!" Orihime squealed. "Rangiku!" She flung open the door, pulling the older woman in. "It's negative!"

Rangiku eyed it suspiciously. Ever since Orihime had not been feeling well a week ago -and after she had confessed that she had slept with Ichigo- Rangiku had suspected that the young girl was pregnant. After all, the symptoms fit. Morning sickness, weird cravings. She paused. Well, weird for Orihime, who had not eaten her beloved red bean paste for the past week. "I don't think these tests can always be trusted. They can be wrong." She sighed. "I'll let it go for now. Maybe it's just a bug." With that, she turned, saying that she was going back to join the party.

Momo followed, smiling as she left. _"They can be wrong. Oh, no. What did I get myself into?"_

Orihime, however, was still uncertain. So she sneaked into Rangiku's room, found another pregnancy test, and locked herself in the bathroom again. This time, she hurriedly, but carefully, took the test, and waited to see her fate. A single, pink line materialized. Orihime's heart sank. It was positive. "What do I do now?" She whispered.

Meanwhile, Momo was still hearing Rangiku's statement. _"They can be wrong."_ She hardly noticed the festivities around her. The room began to spin. She sat down in a chair and promptly passed out.

Rangiku walked upstairs. She was looking for Orihime, who had disappeared. At the top of the stairs, she stopped. Something was out of place. She entered her bedroom, inspecting everything. Then, her purple eyes caught on the problem. The drawer in her bedside table was open partially. She crept over to it, opening it and peering inside. Her eyes widened. One of her pregnancy tests was missing. She had given one to Orihime, but she should still have two left. There was only one left.

She spun around on her heel and stormed downstairs. Flicking the music off caused everyone to turn their attention to her. "One of my pregnancy tests is missing." She announced.

"Do you want us to give you a medal?" Toushirou asked dryly.

"Someone stole it! I had three, and I used one. But there's only one in my drawer." She glared at everyone. "And let me tell you something. It's always the one you least expect. Nanao!" She yelled as she whirled on the fukutaicho.

Nanao fumbled with her glasses. "Me?" She squeaked.

"Yes. You." Rangiku tossed her hair.

"Hey! Something's wrong with Momo!" Izuru called out, kneeling beside her.

Everyone crowded around Momo until Unohana made them all step back. "She needs to breathe." She picked her up. "Rangiku, I'm going to use your room to examine her."

Rangiku led the way, but stopped at the bathroom. Her eyes landed on a test lying on the counter. She snatched it up and gasped. "Unohana-taicho!" She held it out to the captain.

"Oh, my. I'll look her over immediately." As she turned to Momo, she absentmindedly wondered. "Who's the father...?"

"Taicho!"

Toushirou winced upon hearing the sharp voice of his fukutaicho. "What is it, Matsumoto?"

"Is the baby yours?!" She demanded, taking hold of his shirt.

He stared. And stared. And stared. "What baby?" He asked finally.

"Momo's baby!"

"Hinamori's pregnant?!" Toushirou's mouth dropped open. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it's not mine. Now let me go." He brushed away from her then stopped. "Although..."

"Yes?"

"There was that one time..."

"Yes? Yes? YES?!"

"When I was drunk. I seem to remember a brown haired girl. Or was it black?" He pondered.

**Meanwhile...**

"_**Dang it, Toushirou! I can't believe you got me pregnant!"**_ Karin screamed, about ready to tear her hair out.

**Back with Rangiku and Toushirou...**

Rangiku stood there, puzzled. If he wasn't the father, then who-

"Izuru! I can't believe you got Momo pregnant!" She shrieked.

He hid.

Orihime sat on her bed, staring into space, oblivious to the chaos happening outside her door.. "I'm going to gain weight. How do I explain that? Maybe I could run away for a while. I'm sure Urahara-san would take me in." She sighed. "That would never work. They would go to him for help...I wonder what I'm going to look like." She hopped off the bed, grabbed a blanket, and rolled it up into a ball. She stood in front of her mirror and stuck the blanket up her shirt. She examined herself from all angles.

"Uhhh...Inoue...? What are you doing?"

Orihime's eyes widened as she spun around and found herself looking right into Ichigo's eyes. "N-nothing." She sputtered, yanking the blanket out. She blushed and turned away.

"Inoue..." He licked his lips. "Was the test Rangiku found yours?"

"Uh, no. Why would you think something like that? Heh, heh..." Her voice trailed off.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He walked behind her and hugged her close. He smelled her shampoo. Strawberry.

"I was scared...I don't know what to do...I feel all alone..."

"No. Inoue. You're not alone." He gently turned her around to face him. "I'm in this with you. I mean, after all, he's half mine." He flushed slightly. "So don't worry. I'm here."

"Kurosaki-kun, what did you mean by 'he'? You do know it's a girl, right?"

When Momo awoke, Rangiku was sitting beside her. "How are you feeling, Momo?"

"I'm fine." She smiled.

"Congratulations." Rangiku could hold the word in no longer.

Momo's face drained of color. "I'm pregnant?"

"Yes, but you already knew that because of the test you took. Unohana-taicho just confirmed it."

"The test I took was negative." Momo said slowly. She hadn't wanted to give away Orihime's secret, but had thought it necessary in order to defend herself.

"But...the test I found in the bathroom was positive." Rangiku growled. "What is going on?!"

"The test Orihime gave you was mine. She convinced me to take it for her. But like you said, they can be wrong." Momo's face glowed pink.

"So then...the one I found was..." Rangiku clapped her hands over her mouth. "Orihime's..."

Momo nodded.

"I need to talk to her." Rangiku stood. "Oh, by the way, you and Izuru are going to make great parents."

Momo fainted again.

Rangiku was a woman on a mission. She had to talk to Orihime and fast. She grabbed the knob and turned it. "Inoue Orihime! I need to-" She quickly backed out of the room, slamming the door shut.

"Something wrong, Matsumoto?"

"T-taicho! Don't go in there! They're trying to make it twins!" She gasped out.

"I could have told you that, Rangiku." Toushirou sighed. "Oh, I hope you've learned your lesson. What happened to Momo and Orihime can happen to you, too."

"Oh, no it won't, Taicho." She replied cheerfully. "I use precautions." She fairly skipped down the hall, humming all the while.

Toushirou hit his head on the wall. "Why do I put up with her...?"

The clock struck midnight, signaling a new year. And with this new year would come many changes. But that's a part of life.

The next morning, the whole household woke up to Rangiku screaming.

"I can't believe I'm pregnant! With Kurosaki Isshin's baby!"

"I warned her." Toushirou muttered.

"Hey, Toushirou." Karin sauntered up to him. "Do you like blue or pink?"

"This is some kind of joke, right? An early April Fool's joke?" His eyebrow twitched.

"Does it look like I'm joking?!"

Toushirou stared in horror.

His scream could be heard all the way in Soul Society.

Yamamoto sighed. "What have my Shinigami gotten themselves into...?"


End file.
